We present to our permanent wall of shame the latest in a seemingly endless parade of bluffing wannabe Ex Mil Actors who are on a one way trip to ridicule when their bloating gets the better of them and then try to hide it.



Welcome to the World for Allistair McNab, but before we continue lets consult the Internet on the meaning of talking utter boulder dash.

Possessing the qualities of ridiculous-beyond-belifedness for an extended period of time in multiple ways.

Refers to the words Bullshit (meaning a possible lie or deception, usually to the point of being unbelievably ridiculous)

and Fest

(meaning a gathering of a kind, a celebration, usually lasting a decent amount of time).
Bullshit merchant
Someone who constantly sprout lies to sound better
“Steve just bragged he had a threesome last night,the guy’s such a bullshit merchant.”

Allistar was pinged in our direction after a few questions were asked by members of a film set and one very prominent member of the cast smelling BS.
The film industry craves perfection and a touch of realism in war movies and frequently we see adverts requesting experienced ex forces members to act as extras and consultants for such films.

Which is a good thing in the current climate of Armed Forces redundancies, there are plenty of real time experienced ex forces out there to make some good money and provide directors with goods to make a good and as near as dam it realistic film. However, such requests and the allure of the bright lights of Hollywood act as a beacon to Cumpers and like flys to shit they come a running, as the following will demonstrate.

His Bio’s

Having experience and detailed knowledge in advanced military tactics including close quarter battle, hand to hand combat and room clearances allows Allistair to bring a sense of realism to films by interacting with directors and cameramen



Actor/Stunt Performer
August 2011 – Present (2 years 8 months)
Allistair took his first steps into the Film industry in August 2011 when he answered a casting call for extras in a feature film called UFO (aka Alien Uprising) soon his skills form service in the RAF Regiment we being utilised to ensure realism and effective choreography was being used. Editing script and directing crew to bring the life the scenes for the Director.

Since then Allistair has worked tirelessly to build his skills, knowledge and experience to allow him to perform both in front of and behind the camera. Working as a Military and Tactical Adviser as well as building his acting prowess



In 2004 Allistair joined the RAF as a Physical Training Instructor (PTI) working with many different clients from a 33 stone gentleman to Mark Webber (F1 driver). In 2009 Allistair took his commission as an RAF officer and joined the RAF Regiment.

It was here that Allistair built on his military skills and knowledge including all major weapon systems and basic pyrotechnics. In 2011 Allistair completed his Hazardous Environment Close Protection Course in Hereford, learning advanced techniques in driving, first aid and military skills. Since then he has studied and completed numerous courses to aid his military abilities. During military service Allistair was injured and its was while he was at home recuperating that his passion for film-making and acting was born.


Allistair, a former Commissioned Military Officer, is an Actor. Allistair has gained extensive knowledge and experience in different sectors during 8 years with the Royal Air Force (RAF). An ambitious, hardworking individual, who strives to succeed and excels by remaining calm, alert and professional at all times.

Allistair has spent much of his military career instructing and running military exercises, training RAF Officers in the basics needed to survive the hostile environments they may find themselves in.

Having experience and detailed knowledge in advanced military tactics including close quarter battle, hand to hand combat and room clearances allows Allistair to bring a sense of realism to films by interacting with directors and cameramen.


Feel free to comment


A trained Close Protection Officer who has worked with British and foreign dignitaries, military commanders, members of the Royal Family and other VIPs (overseas and on the UK Mainland).
Allistair also works in the TV and film industry.


However, His “real” career was a tad different and he never passed the feared Five Mile of Death….sorry had to get that in! so some facts:-

1. Never qualified in the RAF Regiment in an operational capacity.
2. Never deployed in an operational capacity
3. Never an instructor or qualified in Infantry doctrine and tactics
4. Never a member of the UK Special Forces Community or worked with them operationally, unless RAF PTI’S now take UKSF Selection.
5. Never commanded men in the heat of battle on Operations
6. Never trained or jumped HALO or from 250 ft. using a Low Level Parachute.
7. Never a qualified Military Parachutist!
8. Never provided executive protection to royalty.
9. Never deployed in a HE role on the circuit.

In fact by his own ramblings on a legal request page, which we are sure he never dreamed we would find on the WWW His real career was nothing like what he was over embellishing on his many profiles or to assistant Directors on film sets.


“I am looking to know where I would stand in sueing the RAF. I have served for 7.5 years. I was a PTI for the first 4 and took my commission in 2009. I passed IOT with flying colours and looked forward to starting my Regiment Officers Course.
In March 2010 I picked up a foot injury which saw me removed from the training system. I was quickly moved to RAF Cranwell where I was further mistreated. I arrived and did several jobs before having an operation on my foot on 14 Sep 10. On returning back to work on 7 Oct 10 I found that my office had been given to someone else and my computer account had been deleted losing all the work I had previously been doing. I was then was signed off work with a stress related illness. On returning back to work I was confronted with intense rehab and bullying from my superior. Telling me to ‘man the f**k up’.

I was under the care of a CPN at RAF Cranwell where all of this was discussed. How I feel afraid of my boss and how I feared seeing him, even the sound of his voice. I was then signed off with another period of stress induced illness.
Returning to work in Jan 2011 I was faced with knowledge of a medical board. My senior passed me on to Flt Lt xxxx to be monitored but I could not do any work for him so I was employed doing work for the quality office. After my medical board in Feb 2011 my senior told me that they had no more work for me and that as I was to leave the RAF, I was to get myself prepared for civilXXXXX XXXXXfe. After that I was sent home, and I have been at home since. I have been in touch with Flt Lt xxxx but the outcome is always the same.
All the way through this my admin is held at RAF Honington and I have endless problems in getting help. I have yet to hear anything from the Phase 2 training wing at RAF Honington and my direct boss Flt Lt xxxxxxxx, OC JROC. I have had no welfare chats like it is laid out in the training system for the RAF. My senior has now been posted and he did not call me in for a hand over and I have not been asked to meet with his replacement.
I have recently had an issue with someone trying to find me, and when asked where I was I told them I am still working at RAF Cranwell the response was that I have not worked there for a while.
All of this has left me feeling worthless and depressed; I feel lethargic and my diet and the way I live has been affected. My relationships with my family and girlfriend have been tested and my self worth has been destroyed. I am not being treated for depression but I am being treated for a stomach problem that since all of this has become worse and now I am to take medication for an undetermined length of time.
I have tried to condense all that has happened but I still have no answers from the RAF, they are refusing to listen a the region occupational health group captain and looking to remove me from the RAF with out the compensation I deserve. I have received compensation for the injury but how I have been treated and the way I have been left to feel is inexcusable and I hope you can help me get what I feel I deserve.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: UK Employment Law”

Our thing

We asked a few contacts at RAF Cranwell, Honington and Brize Norton, Former PTI students to Instructors. All came back with the same reply “a Dreamer who was prone to telling the odd porkpie pie” with more colourful language after viewing his over inflated online profiles. We was also able to contact members of a casting agency who all confirmed while on a WW2 film set he was making outlandish claims with cough cough wink wink suggestions of an SF past!

The Sting

Obviously not content with all that info we decided to set up a honey trap to see just how far Allistair would push the boundaries of his “Bloatarge Cumpery” as his avid followers are bound to contest that he never said that and he was just hinted he knew them! That old chest nut. Next you’re be telling us he was Hacked!

Enter Young attractive female film student wanting to make a war film which is to be premiered with a few A list stars to rate her work and obviously she is looking for the real deal to make her work look good. Walt heaven!

We will let the screen shots do the rest (please note some details have been deleted to hide names and details of others. Enjoy as you will not be disappointed! Unless you watch “I am Soldier “Which was utter shite!………..we wonder why?


To summarise

There are lots of ways you can deliver your experience in order to gain employment in your chosen field but don’t lie and bloat about it…..you will get found out!.

1. You give a wrong impression of what situations are really like which in turn give a wrong perception to the public.
2. You are steeling experiences gained by hard graft, blood, sweat, even the five miles of death. In order to gain an advantage over those who are genuine and done it for real!


What a Bloating Cumper!