Who He

You really could not make this up. Even the most imaginative BollyWood writer would be hard-pressed to dream up a character like Jan Trethowan or his glorious military careers’. ‘Tis a yarn that will forever be told to wide-eyed children, drunkards and anyone else unfortunate to be within listening distance. Let us begin.


The Tip off
Hi I wonder if you can help me someone I know says he was a Royal Marine Commando then he was Devon and Dorset and then a commando again then he was French legion etc even used being in Iraq and Afgan and having PTSD as an excuse to get out of a prison sentence I can send you the story’s in the paper where says he was in Iraq has PTSD etc would you let me know the truth please as it an insult.

Let the Hunt begin!

After viewing the links in the local press the Hunt was on. First stop some Open-source intelligence gathering or OSINT

“Jan is our ex-military personal trainer, he will push you to your maximum and stretch your abilities to their limits, encouraging and motivating you to achieve your best results throughout your week´s stay with us.
Jan has been a personal trainer for the past three years after serving Six years as a Commando in the British Army. He is an expert in Close Protection (Body-Guarding) together with self defense and hand-to-hand combat techniques. He has also acted as head of personnel security for UK and foreign companies.

Jan retired unbeaten having been on the British Army Boxing Team for two years and over a dozen fights. Trainers simply don´t come much better or more experienced than our top instructor. He thinks he´s as fast as lightening, so we offer a special prize for any customers managing to push him into the exercise pool!

Dispute the hardened image, Jan is now a family man has three girls and a boy; a loving family based in Plymouth. He is a friendly but forceful lead trainer in the camp, and will ensure that you get results. After your exhausting week with us he is usually the life and soul of our excellent leaving party, where we celebrate and send you on your way in style.”


He added: “He is an ex-Army person who served in Iraq and was traumatised by the experience. He suffers from post traumatic stress disorder and for the past few years he has been a very sick man.”


Jan Trethowan, aged 27, who has completed four tours of Iraq and Afghanistan, faced Plymouth magistrates in custody.

Stephen Walker, for Trethowan, said he had served two periods in Iraq and two in Afghanistan. He added: “He suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, and at times he is not a very well man

He now works in Tenerife at a ‘boot camp’ with disadvantaged young people.” Those girls in the Photo taken in Tenerife dont look disadvantaged!!


Mr Walker said: “His life is beginning to turn around, he finds life at sea extremely beneficial and throughout this case he has been really honest with the court.” Has he ?

Lets dig deeper

Once we started to look into Jan and disseminate with our contacts reliable information was forthcoming by the bucket load.

The team that worked on this case has yet to find anyone who knows him from the D&D Regiment. The Royal Marines, The British Army Boxing team, our friends in the FFL or within the CPO industry. In short he lives in Cumper land!

From our French counterparts “Ok we have confirmation that the loser is not on the list of E.T.A.P”

From 29, 59 Cdo, AACC and other Fleet contacts “nil pwa”

From the contacts within the CPO industry “nil pwa”

But then this from a very reliable source

“Hes a major bullshitter, hes never served abroad in Iraq or afghan. hes been in devon and dorsets. came out due to shin splints but told everyone he left. he tried the foreign legion got turned down due to heart murmur. he trained in boxing but that’s it.”

So what motivates Jan? He is without doubt a serial liar – and not a particularly skilled one at that. Whilst his flights of fantasy shouldn’t cause too many problems to anyone with half a brain, he has convinced the gullible, the naïve and more importantly the Courts with little or any knowledge of the Armed Forces. One more reason for a Stolen Valor act!

So please good folk of the Walter Hunter Cumper Club. Go forth and spread the word with general pisstaking for purposes of fun and japery with a possible follow up in the style of Jack Livesey. Currently writing begging letters to Dave lee Travis for another soap on a rope from his cell where Jack has been staying for a few years snuggled up with Bubba, for perversion.

Verdict what a complete and utter CUMPER !!!